This school term, I have been mentoring Kathy Lockwood, a student enrolled at Alaska Pacific University, where she is doing independent study in writing poetry. Very recently, she sent me an email with a letter attached describing her lack of writing at the moment and her deep disappointment with herself over her slow down.

I am proud to share Kathy’s sensitive description of her feelings and perceptions on writing as well as my responses to her. Sometimes, when we describe the state of our writing, we end up being able to write ourselves out of writer’s block and discouragement. It does, however, sometimes take someone else’s eyes to show us that we have found our way out. The Chinese adage that “the way out is the way in” is one I live by — especially in overcoming lack of confidence in ourselves as writers. I think you’ll see how Kathy’s sensitive reflection is both the way in and the way out.

Kathy sent this email in late February:

Sheila,

Here is packet one. It is a long dialogue letter and no new writing. However, there is a poem idea – which is something. I am a bit stuck and pressured about the whole thesis work – the “produce now” – isn’t working for me. So for the most part, I am going to approach this semester just like we did last semester only I am going to add an academic paper to the mix. If I need to take more credits in the fall so that I get enough material – so be it! Okay, this will make more sense to you after you read the letter. Hope all is well with you.

Kathy

****

Here is the packet she attached instead of new and revised poems:

Packet one         February 26, 2009

Sheila,

I hope that spring is within your reach. We are having more daylight and great sunny days, although still a bit cool. I can see the light changing daily to a brighter, warmer, spring-like beauty. It want be much longer and we will see breakup arrive and the buds sprout from the trees. It want be much longer until I can get my hands in the earth, feel the richness and wonder of soil that feeds the tulips, buttercups and crocus. Soon there will be color everywhere, along the front of the house, down the drive, around the back and deep in my soul.

 My writing has become slow but my attentiveness has been aroused. I find my mornings have become a time to sit quietly, watching the day begin around me, contemplating the wonders before me. I yearn to write poems but fill only my journal pages most days. I write what I see but it only comes out as list or snippets and leaves me wondering how to organize it into a poem. I have been surprised at times of how I can rant for pages on family stuff or how I can describe my parents aging but can’t find a way to a poem. Am I missing something? How do I get to that wonderful flow of writing poems? I am concerned and feel pressured because I am suppose to produce work for the thesis. I am supposed to have a collection of work at end of semester.

I have been reading Maxine Kumin’s works: Always Beginning: Essays on Life in Poetry, The Long Marriage: Poems, and Jack and Other New Poems. Always Beginning is a collection of journal entries that have showed me how she works on her writing and how she lives her life, specifically on the farm tending to the animals. At the end of the book there is a conversation between Enid Shomer and Kumin that answered some questions for me. Kumin writes for herself and doesn’t worry about if the writing is going to publication or if anyone will ever see it. I have tried to keep this frame of mind as well, but I keep falling prey to the notion that I have to get published so I can become validated in some way as a writer; this in turn creates a wonderland for my critic to play upon every attempt to write anything at all. It is like I can’t live up to the standards of even the first draft stage. I have now worked myself up to a “What was I thinking — How can I really do this writing gig — I am not good with words and who cares what I have to say anyway” stage. The pressure to perform is here; it is the produce it or give up a semester.

The other part of the interview I thought was intriguing was when asked what curriculum Kumin would advise a beginning poet with, she answered “to read a lot of different genres.” I find that people narrow themselves too soon…read anthropology, the New Testament, physics…all sorts of areas that you’re not familiar with…broaden your relationship with the whole world and then read a lot of poetry.” I thought about this and it is really good advice, which I should also put to practice. Maybe if I were to look more outward at the world I would be fortunate enough to see up close the relationship of the bigger/broader aspects as well as the intimate details that make it all happen. In other words, I fear that I am a bit naive and not as worldly as I should be when writing or thinking. I tend to live in the details of my life as wife, mother, grandmother and only step out to teach a class or two a few times a week. I would love to break free from the smaller world and jump into the bigger world when it comes to my writing and experiences. Maybe travel, read some on conservation or renewable energies, so what do you recommend to someone who wants to broaden the world of knowledge and experience a bit?

I also want to hold close and deepen my spiritual practice of poetry. I need to watch the birds each morning and need to see the beautiful mountains as the sun comes up or goes down each day. It is my time with the universe, God, myself, and nature. It is what keeps me sane. I can’t help but have love and compassion for the human race, the animals and mostly the Divine when I sit quietly in the presence of the world. My reading of poetry has become part of the ritual. I have found a wonderful book by Robert McDowell titled Poetry As Spiritual Practice. I can’t even begin at how much I love and needed this book. It starts with the introduction stating that “Poetry does not exist for a select few; it is not a secret code that is almost impossible to crack.” I read this at the right time to be reminded I can do this. I was doing this. I do feel like there is a secret code but that I will find the answers. I will continue to search for the way to poetry — to writing good poems, publishable poems, soulful poems. I worry about getting to a place of acceptance with my writing — will I be in that place where I am accepted by myself and my peers as a writer or a poet. McDowell reassures me that I can write poetry, “Anyone who is compassionate, who yearns for deeper awareness, and who possesses the human gift of language has the innate ability to write poems.” The “yearns for deeper awareness” is why I write; it is why I sit quietly in the world, listening.

McDowell offers exercises throughout the book that I am working on. Here is a personal pyramid of poetry I wrote from one of the exercises. It represents all the reasons poetry is important to me:

Expression

Imagery Truth

Community Nature Memory

Honesty Spirituality Healing Witness

I will be referring to the McDowell book often throughout my semester and mostly on my academic paper “Why I Write and Read Poetry.” I will start that paper soon; it could be at beginning stage for next packet.

I have been reading Mary Oliver’s new book, Red Bird. It is a remarkable collection of work and has become my favorite of her works. I love the vivid imagery and how the poems connect with one another. I also love the layout of the poems- meaning each one is visually different. Do you think a collection of work is laid out that way on purpose or is it just the way the poems follow suit. I am still not sure how the publishing part plays into a collection of work but I am curious about placement within a collection of poems. Who decides such things? I also was wondering about the line breaks of the poem, does the poet always make this choice or does the editor have input so the collection looks a certain way? I was just noticing that the poems written in Red Bird have lines that vary and are staggered and the lines of the poems in Maxine Kumin’s collection Jack all are in right alignment and mostly paragraph form with the lines and stanzas varied. Is this because of the style of poet?

I want to close the letter with an idea I have for a poem and am not sure how to write it. I got to thinking about Oliver’s book and how some of her poems touch on how our world is destroying our earth and the power greed that we succumb to. I also thought about Kumin encouraging beginning poets to read a broad range of subjects. What would I read? What am I concerned with? I am in a constant battle with myself over the progress of Alaska. I fall on both sides of the fence, for instance, when Walmart moved in several years ago I was excited to have the new choice of shopping at Walmart but I also hated to see a large chain department retailer move in and especially in the location that they did. The store is at the bottom of a mountain, too close to a nice subdivision. The invasion of the retail world is taking up our land in the name of convenience and new jobs. This issue is even bigger with regards to our oil industry.

Now changing gears but on the same issue – the poem idea. Here in Eagle River we have an elderly lady that feeds the eagles on the weekend down at the VFW parking lot. I want to write about this. So I have formed a list of images I want to use:

• The widowed bird lady — give more details
• The eagles being fed fish and meat from the butcher department of the local grocery store The parking lot of the VFW — fact that it houses vets that have been fighting for freedom, freedom so that people can do for themselves and also the eagle represents freedom.
• People come to watch after they attend the large castle of a church built high on the mountaintop. They sit in their SUVs and drink mochas and lattes. The youth watch nature from heated seats and tinted car windows.
• At the same time an airplane flies high overhead leaving a jet stream floating in the sky and drowning out the sound of the river below that salmon come to spawn in.
• On the nearby paved bike trail that runs along the river a man walks his wolf hybrid dog with a faux diamond collar and a tag with the name Princess and a number to call if she were to get lost.

So now I am not sure how to approach this poem, which I would like to title “Progress.” I also don’t want to sound condescending or to intrude on the privacy of the people involved in the activity. What do you think?

Okay, were do we go next? I am going to continue reading poems and continue to understand the line breaks and why they are where they are in poetry. I am going to start my paper on why I read and write poetry. I am going to look for ways of broadening my knowledge and finding poems in my discoveries. Any reading recommendations? I also want to read poets writing about their process of writing and what they do to keep the faith. What do you do to keep the writing flowing and the faith that this is your calling? Did you ever feel like “What was I thinking” or “Can I really do this” when you started out writing? I envision you as someone who always has it together and never is at a loss of words for any project your doing. Please tell me you are not one of those super humans that never falter or stumble. I am too old to live up to such expectations! Remember mentors are already goddesses in their apprentices eyes. As your humble apprentice I seek your wisdom and maybe some divine grace as well.

All my best,

Kathy Lockwood

****

I was touched and impressed by the way Kathy was using the poets she was reading as mentors. Though she couldn’t ask them questions directly, she found she could read their poems and wonder about their craft and if she were lucky, find essays by them on their craft and life in writing.

The very act of inquiring sometimes supplies answers. I answered Kathy as soon as I could:

Hi Kathy,

This time around, I felt the most valuable thing I could do for you was to edit the letter you wrote me and put in some suggestions for where you could add more. I think you will see that you are answering your own questions and writing poetry — take a look at what I did.

Your packet becomes a beautiful essay with a poem in it and an actual working out of the problem for yourself!

But first in answer to your questions:

Poem, Revised is a book in which poets explain their drafting and revising process. Also, in my book The Writer’s Journal (no longer in print but in libraries — you could do an interlibrary loan and get the book) several poets show revisions: Stanley Plumly and William Matthews, Linda Bierds and Brenda Hillman among them.

I like Edward Hirsch’s writing on poetry (How to Read a Poem and Fall in Love with Poetry and some of his others — look for them on Amazon.com) and Peter Meinke’s The Shape of Poetry. Miriam Sagan has a good book out on form and line breaks: Unbroken Line: Writing in the Lineage of Poetry. And, recently Copper Canyon has released The Poem’s Heartbeat: A Manual of Prosody by Alfred Corn. I am very eager to dive into this book as the reviews are wonderful. The Boston Review wrote that Corn helps us understand and practice “the fine art of versification” and that he helps even the novice become “artist and magician.”

The best way to understand the differences that line breaks communicate is to think about what goes on inside you when you read poems. David Wagoner, one of my first teachers and definitely a poet worth reading taught this: short lines slow things down; long lines build momentum. Colleen McElroy (another poet to read) taught this: Try not to start lines with insignificant words and don’t end them with those words. So be careful of the, an, and, to and other prepositions at the start of the lies and the ends. She liked to see the lines anchored, have weight. Once in awhile, there may be not choice but to start with a weak word, but make those times rare.

Somewhere along the line, I learned to go for internal rhyme rather than end of line complete rhymes. Study the words for their music. Where do the insides of words rhyme and the outsides? What does it mean when you hear this sound?

I remember sitting as a new poet in William Matthews’ seminar when he told the class he mailed his poem drafts off to a trusted reader who mailed back comments. I was dumbfounded — my teacher, a brilliant poet, needed help? I relaxed then and realized we were, all of us who wrote poetry, not so unalike!

I remember hearing William Stafford (more good poems to read!) say that he wrote a poem a day. Some were better than others, he said. Early Morning is a beautiful book by Stafford’s son Kim Stafford about his dad’s practice of poetry. You will gain much confidence reading this book, I think, as it is an intimate peek inside the life of a dedicated poet.

And not all of a poet’s life is fine. Read In My Father’s Footsteps by Sebastian Matthews to learn about the difficulties of being raised by this particular charming poet father.

Research articles by favorite poets of yours. Read interviews in old editions of the Paris Review — most of them are on line now.

We read the published, finished products of poets, and we think they sprung whole onto the page. But rarely is that true. Most of us must write and pay attention to what is in there and work the process. Some poems take years! Keeping that journal of lists and snippets is very smart. They may sometime fit together like the list in your letter to me. Sometimes keeping our mind on something else helps us write despite ourselves and then our poet eyes find the poems.

I kept a bank box of the starts I’d made in many of my graduate school poetry writing workshops. Years later, I rummaged through the box and saw how many of the starts wanted to be in one poem and I saw where I went wrong trying to write something and how I could not do that. It was painful to see how short I had stopped of a finished product at first, but I also realized that poetry just does not always come in its entirety. Sometimes we have to live a little more, see a little more, get involved in a little more — all for a line or two, a stanza. Everything we have lived comes to bear on the work we are creating, provides us with power to transform ourselves and anyone who reads the work.

I agree that to write well and to forget the critic we have to forget the audience. But I also believe to write really well we have to be audience to ourselves in a whole new, and very demanding way — that’s why the critic abounds — it is partly a power to keep us from changing. Read Rainer Marie Rilke, read James Wright! They knew the poetry of poetry to change us. When we lose the thread of work it is because we don’t trust that we’ll find one, don’t trust the images that seem to select themselves to tell the story (William Carlos Williams wrote on this). We have to trust the images — they are the intelligence, the sound, the whole story once we know how to put them together. I found that you were moving toward doing this in your letter.

Read Richard Hugo’s 31 Letters and 13 Dreams if you want to see how audience matters. He wrote poems that the New York Times reviewer didn’t think were poetry and he saved his soul and the souls of his readers. He was stuck and the letters helped him reach in just as your letter helped you (you’ll see when you read the edits). And remember, editors are not the writer — this is your work. I love it. I hope you do too!

I’ve attached edits to your letter that I think will show you just how much good work you have done

Yours,

Sheila

****

In the edits and comments I inserted into Kathy’s Packet One, I set out to show her that she’d in fact created writing that had meaning to a wider audience. I could see places she could add more to show, show, show what she was going through that would make the writing even more helpful. And, happily, I saw that it could include a poem crafted from her list of impressions showing that she had indeed broken her out of writer’s block by thinking about poetry and making close observations of her world and her feelings about her world.

Here is the edited document with the poem I saw in there:

Packet one         February 26, 2009

Sheila,

I hope that spring is within your reach. I can see the light brightening daily. It won’t be much longer until we will see breakup arrive and the buds sprouting from the trees. It won’t be much longer until I can get my hands in the earth, feel the richness and wonder of soil that feeds the tulips, buttercups and crocus. There will be color everywhere, along the front of the house, down the drive, around the back and deep in my soul.

I find my mornings have become a time to sit quietly, watching the day begin around me, contemplating the wonders before me. I yearn to write poems but most days fill my journal pages with lists or snippets that leave me wondering how to organize them into a poem. I have been surprised at how I can rant for pages on family stuff and describe my parents aging but can’t find my way to a poem. Am I missing something? How do I get to that wonderful flow of writing poems? I am concerned and feel pressured because I am supposed to produce work for my thesis. I am supposed to have a collection of work at the end of the semester.

I have been reading Maxine Kumin’s works: Always Beginning, the Long Marriage, and Jack. Always Beginning is a collection of journal entries that have showed me how she works on her writing and how she lives her life, specifically on the farm tending to the animals. At the end of the book there is a conversation between Enid Shomer and Kumin that answers some questions for me. Kumin writes for herself and doesn’t worry about if the writing is going to publication or if anyone will ever see it. I have tried to keep this frame of mind as well, but I keep falling prey to the notion that I have to get published so I can become validated in some way as a writer; this in turn creates a wonderland for my critic to play and undermine every attempt I make to write anything at all. It is like I can’t live up to the standards of even the first draft stage. I have now worked myself up to a “What was I thinking? How can I really do this writing gig? I am not good with words and who cares what I have to say anyway” stage. The pressure to perform is here; it is the produce it or give up semester.

When asked what curriculum she would advise a beginning poet start with, Kumin answered, “to read a lot of different genres.”

She said, “I find that people narrow themselves too soon…read anthropology, the New Testament, physics…all sorts of areas that you’re not familiar with…broaden your relationship with the whole world and then read a lot of poetry.” I thought about this and it is really good advice, which I should also put into practice. Maybe if I were to look outward at the world, I would be fortunate enough to find the intimate details that evoke relationships to the bigger/broader aspects and make poetry happen.

I fear that I am not as worldly as I should be for writing. I live in the details of my life as wife, mother, grandmother and teacher one or two times a week. I would love to break free from the smaller world and jump into the bigger world when it comes to my writing and experiences. Maybe travel, read some on conservation or renewable energies, so what do you recommend to someone who wants to broaden the world of knowledge and experience a bit?

I also want to hold close and deepen my spiritual practice of poetry. I need to watch the birds each morning and need to see the beautiful mountains as the sun comes up or goes down each day. It is my time with the universe, God, myself, and nature. It is what keeps me sane. I can’t help but have love and compassion for the human race, the animals and mostly the Divine when I sit quietly in the presence of the world. My reading of poetry has become part of the ritual. I have found a wonderful book by Robert McDowell titled Poetry As Spiritual Practice. I can’t even begin to express how much I love and needed this book. Its introduction starts: “Poetry does not exist for a select few; it is not a secret code that is almost impossible to crack.” I read this at the right time to be reminded I can do this. I was doing this. I do feel like there is a secret code but that I will find the answers. I will continue to search for the way to poetry — to writing good poems, publishable poems, soulful poems. I worry about getting to a place of acceptance with my writing- will I be in that place where I am accepted by myself and my peers as a writer or a poet. McDowell reassures me that I can write poetry: “Anyone who is compassionate, who yearns for deeper awareness, and who possesses the human gift of language has the innate ability to write poems.” The “yearns for deeper awareness” is why I write; it is why I sit quietly in the world, listening.

McDowell offers exercises throughout the book that I am working on. Here is a personal pyramid of poetry I wrote from one of the exercises. It represents all the reasons poetry is important to me:

Expression

Imagery Truth

Community Nature Memory

Honesty Spirituality Healing Witness

ADD IN HOW YOU FELT AFTER WRITING THE PYRAMID.

I will be referring to the McDowell book often throughout my semester and mostly on my academic paper “Why I Write and Read Poetry.” I will start that paper soon; it could be at beginning stage for next packet.

I have been reading Mary Oliver’s new book, “Red Bird.” It is a remarkable collection of work and has become my favorite of her works. I love the vivid imagery and how the poems connect with one another. GIVE AN EXAMPLE OR TWO OF HOW THEY CONNECT, OF THE IMAGERY THAT YOU FIND VIVID. I also love the layout of the poems — meaning each one is visually different. GIVE AN EXAMPLE OF ONE OR TWO AND HOW THEY LOOK.

I am still not sure how the publishing part plays into a collection of work but I am curious about placement within a collection of poems. Who decides such things? I also was wondering about the line breaks of the poem. I was just noticing that the poems written in Red Bird have lines that vary and are staggered and the lines of the poems in Maxine Kumin’s collection called Jack all are in right alignment and mostly paragraph form with the lines and stanzas varied. WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS? WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE IN TONE AND OTHER EMOTIONAL QUALITIES THAT YOU FIND BECAUSE OF THE DIFFERENCES?

I got to thinking about Oliver’s book and how some of her poems touch on how our world is destroying our earth and the power of greed that we succumb to. I also thought about Kumin encouraging beginning poets to read a broad range of subjects. What would I read? What am I concerned with? I am in a constant battle with myself over the progress of Alaska. I fall on both sides of the fence. For instance, when Walmart moved in several years ago I was excited to have the new choice of shopping there, but I also hated to see a large chain department retailer move in, especially where they did at the bottom of a mountain. The invasion of the retail world is taking up our land in the name of convenience and new jobs. This issue is even bigger with regards to our oil industry.

Now changing gears but on the same issue — the poem idea. Here in Eagle River, we have an elderly lady who feeds the eagles on the weekend down at the VFW parking lot. I want to write about this. So I have formed a list of images I want to use:

The widowed bird lady — give more details

The eagles being fed fish and meat from the butcher department of the local grocery store

The parking lot of the VFW — fact that it houses vets that have been fighting for freedom, freedom so that people can do for themselves and also the eagle represents freedom.

People come to watch after they attend the large castle of a church built high on the mountain top. They sit in their SUVs and drink mocha and lattes. The youth watch nature from heated seats and tinted car windows.

At the same time an airplane flies high overhead leaving a jet stream floating in the sky and drowning out the sound of the river below that salmon come to spawn in.

On the nearby paved bike trail that runs along the river a man walks his wolf hybrid dog with a faux diamond collar and a tag with the name Princess and a number to call if she were to get lost.

Progress

People come to watch the woman feeding eagles
After they attend the large castle of a church
built high on the mountain-top.

They sit in their SUVs and drink mochas
and lattes, their young watching
nature from heated seats and tinted windows.

Overhead, an airplane leaves a jet stream
floating in the sky, drowns out the river
sound where salmon spawn.

On a paved bike trail, a man walks his wolf
hybrid dog, its faux diamond
collar with a name tag: Princess,
and the number to call if she gets lost.

Have I done it? Made a poem out of the images I saw against the backdrop of my emotions about Alaska?

Okay, where do we go next? I am going to continue reading poems and continue to understand the line breaks and why they are where they are in poetry. I will compare Oliver’s work with Kumin’s and my own, when I made a poem out of the prose I started with. I am going to start my paper on why I read and write poetry. I am going to look for ways of broadening my knowledge and finding poems in my discoveries. I want to read poets writing about their process of writing and what they do to keep the faith.

What do you do to keep the writing flowing and the faith that this is your calling? Did you ever feel like “What was I thinking” or “Can I really do this” when you started out writing? I envision you as someone who always has it together and never is at a loss of words for any project your doing. Please tell me you are not one of those super humans that never falter or stumble. I am too old to live up to such expectations! Remember mentors are already goddesses in their apprentices’ eyes. I seek your wisdom and maybe some divine grace as well.
All my best,

Kathy Lockwood