Sheila
What prompted writing the essay “Writing for My Life,” which we published last week?

Sandra
I read that Poets & Writers magazine had a column on the topic “Why We Write,” and I found the topic compelling. I began this essay with that question in mind and with the goal of sending it to Poets &Writers.

I don’t usually begin an essay with a definite publication in mind. Essays almost always start with an idea about something central to me. Once I start, I’ll work on an essay forever, assuming it will be published somewhere, though receiving an acceptance is not always the case. Poets & Writers magazine had posed the question “why we write” and the idea of writing my answer hooked me–went straight to one of the most important parts of my life. The column they were seeking writing for seemed designed for me.

Sheila
What was it about the question that caught you?

Sandra
I was a very shy child and still struggle with shyness. I thought it was important to say how being a writer helps me overcome that, every day. As I began the essay, though, I discovered that “why I write” was much more extensive. After fifteen years, writing has become part of me. It then became difficult to find the one thread that explained my relationship to writing.

Sheila
Did you submit the essay to Poets & Writers magazine?

Sandra
I worked on the essay for several months, and I did send it to Poets & Writers.

Sheila
Was it accepted?

 Sandra
The editors did not accept the essay, and I was disappointed, even though I somewhat expected the rejection. I loved the fantasy of my personal essay in their magazine, but I knew in the back of my mind that it wasn’t ready. I say that because I answered the editor’s question with what my brain told me, that writing was my voice. The essay wasn’t heartfelt.

Sheila
Have you read the columns that were published?

Sandra
I have, and they are deep and quite revealing. There was one in particular I loved about someone who stuttered as a child.

Sheila
It sounds like your subject matter was on target, then. What did you do next with your essay?

Sandra
I put it away for several months. Then, this past summer, when I had a lot of downtime and had made a promise to myself to complete work that needed fixing or finishing, I took another look at the essay.

I found I liked parts of the original essay very much. I realized that the journey into my high school years was a nugget I needed to explore. I’d never written about that time of feeling deep shame about who I was.

For four years, I had looked over my shoulder each time I went into my typing and stenography rooms–literally. I still recall myself, wanting so much to be approved of. Not until that hallway was 100% clear of other students, did I walk into my classes. When it came time to apply to college, I was stuck. All my friends applied to good liberal arts colleges. But, who would accept me? I hadn’t taken classes in science and math. I ended up at a Community College, majoring in secretarial studies. By then I was engaged to be married, still carrying the shame of not having academic aspirations. Shortly before the wedding, I told my fiancé that I wasn’t who he thought. I wasn’t going to be a teacher, but a secretary. I was terrified he’d call off the wedding. Of course, he didn’t.

Sheila
What was your process for revision once you noted the parts of the original that you liked and that had a spark for you?

Sandra
The essay, as it appears now, took a year to complete. I wrote several drafts and had a very hard time finding the end. When I had a good-enough draft, I asked two reliable readers for feedback. That helped because they confirmed that I wasn’t there yet.

One of my colleagues, who is also a writer, told me everything was on the page, but he didn’t like the end, which he thought was negative. The ending was about how hard it is to be a writer — rejection, low pay, solitude. He said I should go back to the beginning and look for the end there. It worked: “I’m no longer the shamed-faced girl I was in high school…”

Sheila
How did you decide to send the piece to the Philadelphia Inquirer?

Sandra
First, I sent it to Poets & Writers again….and as often happens, I realized right after, the end still needed fixing. I had a feeling the essay would not be accepted, and it wasn’t. When I was comfortable the work was the best it could be, I sent it to the New York Times, for their column “Preoccupations,” which seemed a good fit. But, it was rejected as being off their focus, which is more of an external experience about the workplace. In terms of the Philly Inquirer, they’ve consistently been a great source for me. They’ve published many of my essays on their Commentary page. By now, I know the editor. I contacted him directly by email and asked if he’d like to see the essay. Even when I know an editor, I don’t take it for granted that it’s OK to email it in. When he responded that he’d like to read it, I then sent it.

Sheila
How long did it take to receive an acceptance?

Sandra
The editor emailed me a week later to say how much he liked the essay. But…I had to cut the 1600 word essay to 800 words. I didn’t think I could, but I was able to cut 400 words; he cut another 200.

Sheila
Wow, cutting a piece to half its length. Were you aware that the editor was cutting more words?

Sandra
Yes, I was. He showed me the piece after his edits. I thought the editor did a good job, and I gave my consent. However, the piece on your website is the original.

Sheila
What did it feel like seeing such a shortened version? I take it that Poets & Writers had had a much longer word-length limit?

Sandra
I didn’t know Poets & Writer’s word limit, except that the essays seemed as long as mine. Seeing the shortened version was still very gratifying. But…I did feel the paragraph cut — and that’s the next to last one on the version you have — was important. But, there’s often a compromise with publications. It comes to, “Do I want to get my work into the world or insist every word I write is golden?”

Sheila
I know. Giving in to editors on nonessential points is sometimes the right thing to do. Can you compare the reader experience of the shorter version to that of the longer version?

Sandra
The shorter version still has the main essence — the wonderful moment of realization that I’m someone — that moment is when I connected deeply to the fact of being published in The Washington Post.

Sheila

What is it like for you having a piece in a newspaper versus a literary journal or writing magazine?

Sandra
I love having my work in the Philly Inquirer. They have a very wide readership. Readers from the Philadelphia area have written me a few times, and their notes are always warm and candid. Literary journals have a certain cache, but they’re a long shot for the type of essays I write. What I mean is, my work is less about setting and details, more about emotion. They seem to have a natural place in newspapers. Instead of hoping and praying a journal will want my work, I’d rather have it out in the world.

Sheila
It’s interesting to learn that you feel essays about emotion seem more suitable for newspapers. Can you say more about that and how you’ve found appropriate departments and columns in newspapers for your work?

Sandra
I wish I could say that finding publishing venues is the result of deep thought and research. But, it was instinctive many years ago to submit to the Op-ed and Commentary pages. I think that’s because I realized most of the things I write about are universal dilemmas — being single and childless at midlife, my weight obsession, my relationship with my parents. And also, those are the pages I read first. I love knowing what people think and feel.

Sheila
What have newspaper readers written to you?

Sandra
Readers’ emails were wonderful. They related to feeling shame about being “less educated” than their peers. A few had my exact experience–business school and the secretarial pool–then a long climb uphill to finding fulfillment in other work. And every single person congratulated me on finding success. Now, that is nice.

Sheila
What’s next in your writing life?

Sandra
I’m happy to have found my way back to my home base, which is writing essays. I struggled with a memoir for many years and have finally accepted, the entire process was not pleasurable or productive. Maybe I have a book in me–but it will greet the world in the form of essays that I lovingly tinker around with.

Sheila
I understand that. Abigail Thomas and Rebecca McClanahan are two writers whose linked essays inspire me to write what I think is now being called “short memoir” pieces. I’ve called them personal essays and still do. Brenda Miller says the personal essay is her genre, just like poets claim poetry and novelists claim fiction and short story writers claim short fiction.

Before we close, can you say more about your phrase “lovingly tinker around with”? So many writers feel frustrated by revision. I like the way you note a kind of affection for that process.

Sandra
“Lovingly tinker around with” my work means I’ve taken myself off the hot seat of “I must publish a book.” I’ve returned to the wonder of the writing process and the excitement of seeing a story emerge. And the more attached I get to a piece, the more alive it is, and the harder to let go.

Sheila
Well said. Thank you, too, for the story behind the recent essay and for the discussion of your process in writing and publishing.