Nancy Smiler Levinson set herself the goal of writing about what she was living through during her husband’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. The result was a powerful, filled with love, and ultimately affirming memoir, all in free verse, Moments of Dawn: a poetic memoir of love & family, affliction & admiration.  A professional writer for decades, Nancy had not written poetry until this memoir demanded verse, surprising her and allowing her to reveal the depth of her experience and emotions. Our interview delves into  her experience writing and publishing in this genre new to her.

Sheila
You have a very special book here, Nancy. You subtitled it a “poetic memoir of love & family, affliction & affirmation.” Can you discuss the subtitle and how it sums up attempt and achievement of your words and the form they took?

Nancy
Early on I used the working title, “I Remember Love,” but in passing years as the story deepened with my continuing new experiences and challenges, evoking an array of contradictory emotions, I knew the working title would not express “the whole.” I was stumped, maybe too mired in my pages and pages, drafts and drafts.

I credit Jim Natal of Conflux Press, who did the final editing, pulling together a new title and subtitle. During his first read-through, he kept an open mind for something that would grab and approach reaching the expanse of the story. This felt right and satisfying to me.

The title itself is poetic; the three words are in the manuscript. The subtitle helped to catch much of the story expressing love, family love, family and friend support, loss of love, as well as afflictions — a husband with Alzheimer’s disease, my two bouts with breast cancer, the death of my mother – and finally, strategies I found to cope amidst my struggles, focus on blessings, and accept changes such that I could take move towards renewing my life.

“A Poetic Memoir.” This feels completely fair to me. In essence, the book is a long story expressed in prose/poetry, if you will. It has been well described as “an extended poem in parts,” so calling it “poetic memoir” is not misleading. It differs from a narrative memoir in that I have created lines, phrasing, and rhythms that essentially appear in poetic form.

Sheila
I am sure the subject matter was the hardest part about writing this book; and the form it took as an extended poem in parts, often chapters, created some writing difficulties of choice. What would you say about this?

Nancy
While working, friends asked if writing about my ill husband and my cancer wasn’t bringing on further depression. So, I have given thought to writing the subject matter. Answer: yes and no. Yes, sometimes tears fell onto my keyboard. But mostly I seemed to be in a parallel universe, taking me away from the actual sad reality as I struggled with words, scenes, rhythm. Often I was flying with “first draft” kind of writing, almost getting ahead of myself.

I knew that I had to write to keep myself breathing, and I knew I had to write this story.  I did not want to journal like. . . Monday – today my husband lost the car. . . when I faced the blank page I said to myself: let it rip, just write, begin with something, anything. And what came forth arrived in second person, present tense, and I just kept going. I couldn’t have imagined that that would be the direction in which it would see the light of day.

The beginning of the book is actually the beginning of my first writing day — with tweaking later. And I wrote as I lived “my journey” throughout the years. Of course, when it came to paring everything down, much was repetitive and needing major cutting.

This brings me to talk about the second part of the question, regarding form. Solid yes answer here. It was very difficult for me. I simply did not know what to do with all the “stuff.”

Now I send accolades to you, Sheila Bender, for imagining the final form.

First, I sent you some twenty-five pages. It was completely your suggestion to form sections as they are now and with a poetic title for each. That said, I needed to focus so that I didn’t have a melee – like a mishap in the kitchen next to a scene in the bank next to a dialogue with the breast surgeon. Keeping the chronology of the life events during the years and topically focusing (e.g. one complete section on a trip with my husband, one complete section of my son’s wedding, etc.) was definitely a challenge.

You also suggested more line breaks for the reader to take a breath when some sections seemed heavy, sad. That was not difficult and actually helped me with the topic-focusing.

Sheila
Thank you, Nancy. It was an honor to be trusted with your manuscript and meaningful effort.

Backing up, at what point in your writing did you identify that you wanted to complete the writings in the form of a book? What did it take to get the writing shaped and published?

Nancy
In thinking back, I wrote and wrote, almost as in writing for my life. Not every day, of course, but often enough, especially when an incident happened and I felt that it would become a “scene.” Since I was not writing a straight daily diary format, in fairly short time I saw that I was working with scenes, creating them in present tense. These seemed to tell my story, made the incidents and my journey within them feel alive.

Even after a decade, I really didn’t know if I had a book or anything near it. (I digress. For a while I considered creating it all into a one-woman show. I even spoke to actress Mariette Hartley, who’d written and performed a one-woman show, but I really was over-reaching)

When I sent my material to you I was asking 1) what is this? 2) could it fly? 3) is this something best suited for closet or drawer? Your response stunned me — generous adjectives and thoughts on how I could rework the manuscript. Only then did I actually believe and think book. I felt flattered and overwhelmed and as always, still insecure. I went back to my desk to work on a viable project that I was fortunate to have, as my husband’s Alzheimer’s worsened.

Sheila
I think others often see value in writings that the writer herself doesn’t see because she is so close to the material and the images and messages seem familiar and not exceptional. You’ve been a writer for a long time and it still happens. I have read about this happening in many writers’ lives.

Tell us more about craft and what in your background and training did or did not help you with this project.

Nancy
I began writing with a pencil and a five-cent tablet from Woolworths 5 & 10, then advanced to writing for school and college newspapers. At the University of Minnesota I majored in journalism, with minors in English and history. Moments of Dawn is unlike anything I have ever written. I’d never tried writing poetry. So I can respond that newspaper reporting, op-ed pieces, and numerous published books for young readers (fiction, nonfiction, and biographies) did not necessarily or directly help with this project. But learning the importance and the know-how of telling stories, bringing scenes and characters alive in both fiction and non, have always been an underpinning when I write. A good newspaper or magazine report starts with a specific person or incident to pull in the reader.

I have always been a voracious reader. Reading every kind of work or piece over years becomes rooted in us, we hear the sounds and rhythms and they bloom inside us. I had read poetry and had taken a fine poetry class at UCLA extension (not writing). And I read a very good book by Edward Hirsch, How to Read a Poem: And Fall in love with Poetry.

Except for reading, listening, and what I’d written for children, I admit being in shades of gray (not 50!) when I began MOMENTS. When I joined one of your online poetry classes, Sheila, it was for me a learn-on-the-job experience. Other students’ critiques taught me a great deal, and I learned much when critiquing their submissions.

Sheila
I believe in the response method we used (let the poet know the words that caught your attention, what feelings were aroused by the poem that you knew the poem wanted to arouse in you and what feelings were aroused that interfered with those and thus meant revision would be necessary, and what curiosities the poem left with you that you wish it had satisfied). It helps the poet know what to do next. But very importantly, working the response method on other’s poems allows you to understand how to view your own drafts toward revision. I am glad you mentioned that as helpful. I’d love to have you say more on the subject of learning to revise poems from response.

Nancy
Two aspects were most helpful:  The feeling evoked and curiosity.  It was good having four on-line class members and you, Sheila, let me know the feeling evoked by each poem.  If all were at least similar (like “I felt really sad,” or “I had a strong reaction to the irony,” or “I found myself laughing,”) I would know that I got the mood or intention right.  With disparate comments, it was clear that I needed to refocus.

Directing those who critique to ask what they were curious about allows for a kind, gentle response without directly saying something like “you didn’t give any description of the frightened child; you didn’t put any pictures in my mind,” which can be hurtful to a writer
(sensitive creatures that we are).  Better, as I learned in this excellent response method, might be:  “I really wanted to see the child. I was curious to know more about her.  Could you tell me  what she looked like?  What motions did she make?  Did she speak?  Cry?”
Or “I’m a little puzzled about . . .”

Sheila
In addition to my questions about writing the book, I want to ask you about how your feelings have been affected now that your poetic memoir is out in the world.

Nancy
I feel good that it actually came to fruition and am humbled and speechless at praise I’ve received. Many books on Alzheimer’s and cancer exist, and I am pleased believing that I created something a little different. I hope it can comfort many in reminding them that they are not alone. I also hope that the book might offer to those outside of the experience to understand what caregivers go through.

Sheila
As a first reader, I know those goals have been accomplished. The experience in your book informed me about the world of those living with an Alzheimer’s patient, and I related to the exhaustion, mental, emotional and physical of meeting the challenges life creates when unwelcome change takes up residence in our lives.

I am happy to hear that you have connected with the feeling of gratitude for having been able through your honest and courageous writing to help others.

Nancy
Writing, in whatever genre, can be both therapeutic and healing in one way or another. For me, it also helped to look at myself, synthesize my own feelings and responses in varied situations — and often guided me to take steps at bettering my outlook, perhaps even enriching or enhancing myself.

Sheila
Can we read a sample of the work from your book? Can you provide links to the poems that have already appeared in journals?

Nancy
A fair portion of the beginning of the book is available gratis for peek reading.  It’s available from Amazon for $7.99 only for kindle or iPad.

Anyone can go to my webpage (nancysmilerlevinson.com) or type in the title. Print copies are available directly from me. Going to Conflux Press will get a reader directly to me, as well as will my webpage.

Sheila
How did you find Conflux?

Nancy
I came upon Conflux Press when attending a talk given by one of their authors, who had written poetry about her husband’s Alzheimer’s disease. I hadn’t looked into many indie presses, but when I got in touch with Conflux, I felt it was a good fit.  Happily, it was.  They worked closely with me in all ways — editing, suggestions, designing the inside and the cover, and never made a change without consultation.  Fortunately, too, their office is near me in Southern California.

One more thing: After your suggestion of sending my work out as stand-alone poems before the book’s publication, I did so. Five of my single poems have been accepted by literary journals recently, and that is certainly affirming. I am working slowly at writing others, but spending more time reading and learning. I am even rereading Edward Hirsch’s book, and now doing so with a new eye and ear.

Sheila
Can you share the links so we can read the poems. Also, of course, your research on what journals are interested in poems around this difficult subject will be a great resource to other Writing It Real readers.

Nancy
Here’s the information:

Poetica Poeticamagazine.com is a print journal. Subtitle is Contemporary Jewish Writing. The issue is Spring 2013. Poem is “For My Husband Who Has Alzheimer’s Disease.”

Vine Leaves Literary Journal A new on-line journal at Vineleavesliteraryjournal.com. Issue 05. They are interested in what they see and feel as vignettes. “Your Illness Speaking.” And a poem not from the book, “Down the Road.” The latter is the first poem I ever tried writing,

I think it was about three years ago and lived in my desk drawer.

Sheila
Ah, but writing the book gave you confidence!

Nancy
Yes!

Here are more links:
The Barefoot Review TheBarefootReview.com An on-line journal that publishes all poetry dealing with illness, started by a young man with a serious illness as he continues onward, finding poetry healing while also poets struggling with a like situation can support each other and not feel alone.

I have two poems here in the Winter 2012 issue. “Your Illness Speaking” and “I Do Not Recognize My Voice.” (They noted that “Your Illness” originally appeared in Vine Leaves).

Soon to appear in a print journal, Touch: The Journal of Healing, is another poem from the book, “What to Expect in the Shower.” This is about my bout with cancer.

Sheila
How did you search for these journals as homes for your poems?

Nancy
I googled for topics of: illness, dementia, cancer, and Judaism, since my journey has taken me to find comfort and community at our synagogue.

I also checked for publications seeking submissions on New Pages.com, EWR, Duotrope, and the print magazine in newsstands, Poets and Writers. Rest assured, that I have had a fair share of rejections, but that is always expected.

Since I am trying to move on to topics outside of illness, I search Writing It Real (WIR) listings of calls for submissions (I find what you share under that thread of Community Discussions very useful), as well as the sites listed above. One example is this: Spillway was listed on the WIR community discussion page, seeking work with the theme: The Road Taken or Not Taken. That clicked with me, and I recently submitted a prose/poem, entitled “Banquet.”  With feeding one’s family with food, and the need for a writer to feed one’s soul — as frame and metaphor — I went with the road taken. After many revisions, I felt pleased with it. Now we’ll see what Spillway has to say.

Speaking of eating, I ought to cobble some kind of supper together for me now.

Sheila
Nancy, thank you for letting us know about your new book and efforts and success in publishing poetry excerpted from the book-length manuscript. Your stick-to-it-iveness illustrates the skills gained in your professional career as a writer. And it serves as a generous and important model for the rest of us. Enjoy your meal!