Former romance writer Thelma Zirkelback has two books out now (and a blog) on the subject of widowhood, one an anthology she co-edited of writings by women who have coped with their new life situation (On Our Own: Widowhood for Smarties) and the other a memoir about her interfaith marriage and and the loss of her spouse (Stumbling Through the Dark). In the following interview, Thelma talks about both books and the process of publishing the work as well as the way she is continuing on as a writer.

Sheila
What is the story behind the creation of your book On Our Own: Widowhood for Smarties?

Thelma
Several years into my widowhood, I started a blog called Widowsphere, and one day when I was posting, I decided I’d like to do more, that I wanted to create an anthology on widowhood. When my husband died, a friend gave me a book of readings called Healing After Loss. I wanted to do something like that, especially for widows and widowers. I approached Silver Boomer Books because they had included some of my pieces in their past anthologies, and they liked the idea and invited me to co-edit the book along with three others, Barbara B. Rollins, Becky Haigler, and Robyn Conley. Of course, I was delighted and said yes.

Sheila
It is interesting that in your grief you wanted to reach out to others who were experiencing your specific kind of loss. How did you make that jump from grieving yourself to wanting to create something of value for others?

Thelma
I’d been writing romance novels for some time, but after Ralph died I couldn’t get in the mood to do them anymore. Early in his illness I thought of writing a book with tips on what to do when your spouse is sick, but I gave that up as he got sicker. One of the first books I read after he died was called Widow to Widow. The author started a support group for widows, and that inspired me to do something for others.

Sheila
About your own project, I noticed you had three women co-editors. Did you know them? How were they selected?

Thelma
I knew Becky and Barbara, the owners of the publishing company, on line because Silver Boomers had published some of my essays in their anthologies. Robyn is an editor they invited to be part of this.

Sheila
It is always smart to contact editors and publishers who have accepted your work in the past. How did you go about soliciting work for the anthology?

Thelma
Silver Boomers put out the call on their website and I did on my blog as well. We also sent announcements on the Internet through CRWROPPS (Creative Writers Opportunities List, a Yahoo Group).

Sheila
Did you get a lot of submissions?

Thelma
We received over  250 submissions for the book. Almost all stressed hope and courage along with loss and grief. That was very affirming for me. And it was helpful for me to see how others had maneuvered through the twists and turns of the widowhood journey.

Sheila
What was the hardest part of editing this book?

Thelma
The hardest part was choosing the final group of pieces. There were so many and we couldn’t include them all. And it was difficult when some friends’ pieces weren’t chosen.

Sheila
How did you jury the contributions you had? How did you decide to take more than one from any particular contributor? And how did you decide on the ratio of poems to essays?

Thelma
We had a spread sheet with each author’s name and submission. Each of us scored every submission, grading it from 1 to 5. The ones with the highest totals were included.

We worked with one another on line. Isn’t the Internet wonderful? I eventually got to meet Barbara—she’s a judge in Abilene, Texas and was here for a judicial conference. By that time, the book was finished.

Sheila
Your words speak to the value of anthologies — of many voices on a subject. Publishers often don’t want to take anthologies on because they say there isn’t a market for them. In your experience, what distinguishes the value of an anthology from a single author book or blog?

Thelma
I think the value of anthologies is that the reader gets to learn different viewpoints on the same topic.

Sheila
I wish more publishers would agree that there is a market for anthologies because of this. Can you comment on the marketing and sales of this anthology–how do you evaluate your book’s success?

Thelma
I never worry about how many copies are sold. My feeling of success comes from seeing my thoughts in print and knowing that people have enjoyed or benefited from them. (Of course, I wouldn’t mind having a best seller someday.)

Sheila
What are you most proud of concerning the anthology?

Thelma
I’m proud of the strength of the contributors. They’re very honest about all aspects of widowhood from grief and loneliness to small things that go wrong—one of the authors wrote about her plumbing—to mementos of life with your spouse to venturing into the singles’ world. They are role models for widows everywhere.

Sheila
Have readers told you about the way this book benefited them? What have they said that is important to you?

Thelma
Several have told me it was very comforting to know that others have gone through this and managed to go on with their lives. Several friends bought the book for people they knew who had recently been widowed and gave me great feedback.

Sheila
I am sure you must have had hurdles in designing the content. Did you?

Thelma
We posted our request for submissions on CRWOPPS, on Silver Boomers’ website and on my blog, and they started coming in. My only involvement with the cover was to say I liked what Barbara finally came up with. I doubt anyone would want to buy a book with a cover I designed. (The only time I ever played hooky in school was when the art teacher told us we had to draw something besides a house and a tree).

Sheila
Ah, so many of us writers leave the visual arts to others! Were there moments that you wondered if the project would come to fruition?

Thelma
No, I felt very positive from the beginning. I knew and trusted the people at Silver Boomers.

Sheila
What are the key lessons you learned in your writing journey to the completion of this book?

Thelma
I think all writers need to remember not to give up on a project of your heart.

Sheila
You seem to have found the right venue and editors very easily and quickly. I agree with you, though. Even when there are obstacles, sticking to a vision if it is close to your heart will pay off.

What people, organizations and resources helped you get behind the idea and project and what did you found most valuable in the process?

Thelma
Anne Witkavitch, editor of Press Pause Moments, an anthology that included a piece I’d written, was very encouraging as were local and on-line writing friends. I belong to a local organization called Women in Transition which has become an important part of my life and has provided an amazing support system. I think they’ve helped me flourish.

Sheila
Yes, the encouragement of editors and writers you’ve met along the way helps. It is good to have their support when things are hard and when success is imminent.

Where are you in the distribution of your book right now? Does having four editors help and in what ways?

Thelma
I participated in the Jewish Community Center Book and Arts Fair as part of a panel of local authors. The Houston Jewish Community Center has a huge bookstore during the event and quite a few of our books were sold. I have also done some local signings, and I’m always ready to do more. I plan to attend Camp Widow this year and sell the book at their conference.

The book is available directly from Silver Boomer Books and is on line at Amazon and Barnes and Noble. I’ve promoted the book on my blog and interviewed some of the contributors, and here’s a surprise: I learned that two whose pieces moved me most were not widows themselves.

Sheila
Oh! Whose experience were they writing from?

Thelma
One was influenced by a friend, the other by her mother.

Sheila
A good writer can take on another’s story well. What are the thoughts you’d share with others who want to publish books to help others who have experienced loss or difficult life events?

Thelma
Ours was unique because it wasn’t a how-to book but snippets of personal experience. I read every book I could find on widowhood—I believe in “book therapy,” so I devoured memoirs, how-to’s, poetry. Every book had something to teach me and all of them showed me I was not alone. So I think there is a place for these kinds of books and I encourage would-be authors to pursue the projects they have in mind.

Sheila
I know you’ve had another book come out recently. It is a tender story of your last year with your husband as he battled leukemia. It is interesting that the anthology with essays about widowhood came first, then the memoir. Was it harder to write about the last year with Ralph than about the time after he died?

Thelma
Actually I did the memoir first. It just took longer to get it published.

Sheila
Oh, and now I’ve had a surprise!

There is an element of your memoir that adds something unique to the literature about loss. Susie Banks Baum, editor of An Anthology of Babes: Thirty-six Women Give Motherhood a Voice, writes that your book is about “two people making sense of their faith, their marriage, and a very meaningful transition.”

Thelma
Yes, Stumbling Through the Dark, is the story of an interfaith couple facing life’s greatest spiritual challenge. It’s a story of love and loss and unexpected courage…and (I absolutely have to add this) it also has a great scene with a possum.

Sheila
It is an earmark of writing, isn’t it, that although we write of the darkest moments in our lives, we find pleasure, too, in life’s vividness? Writing brings us back to life. When did you find yourself writing about Ralph and his illness?

Thelma
I signed up for a memoir class at Gotham Writers Workshop not long after Ralph died and just kept going. And of course, I took your classes, too.

Sheila
How does one keep writing when their heart is breaking?

Thelma
When I was in college, my boyfriend got thyroid cancer. I was doing my practice teaching in speech pathology that semester and every time I walked into the school where I was assigned, I shut everything else out of my mind. When Ralph got sick, I called on those same skills.

I was working full time during Ralph’s illness and also had sold a romance to Silhouette that I was writing while he was sick. Eerily, I had sold them a book in which the heroine’s son has leukemia. He worried a lot that I wouldn’t meet my deadline but somehow I, did.

Sheila
You are a strong woman who is committed to writing. And of course you know that publishing certainly something with a life of its own. You’ve told us a bit about Silver Boomer and how you approached them. How did you find Mazo Publishers for your memoir?

Thelma
I was looking for a publisher that would be interested in a book about an interfaith marriage. I looked through the Jewish Book Council’s magazine Jewish Book World and queried several publishers whose books were listed. I found Mazo and queried them and they were interested. They’ve been great to work with.

Sheila
Before we close, fill us in a little more on your publishing career. You began as a writer of romance novels. How did you get involved with that genre?

Thelma
I always say I became a romance writer because I don’t drive on the highway. When my father’s health began to fail, I made frequent trips to Austin to visit and I always took the bus. One day I was walking through the book department in a discount store and I picked up a romance novel because I thought it would be about the right length to read between Houston and Austin. Pretty soon I got hooked on reading romance. Then I saw an article about Romance Writers of American and I thought, “I could do that.” So I took a romance writing course and joined RWA and just kept writing.

Sheila
Did your experience writing in that genre influence the writing of the memoir in any way?

Thelma
Ana Maria Spanga, my wonderful instructor at Gotham, said she felt that my fiction writing made it easier for me to write in scenes and use dialogue  It was natural for me to write that way.

Sheila
What are you writing now?

Thelma
A group of women who belong to Women in Transition did an anthology last year about our life transitions, called Coping With Transition: Men, Motherhood, Money and Magic. Now we are working on another one. My son had a stroke last summer, and he and I are thinking of doing a book together about aphasia.

Sheila
I am hoping that this means he is recovering well?

Thelma
He has had no physical problems this year after his stroke last June, but he does have aphasia, which is improving. He is not able to go back to work but he’s doing a lot of volunteer work and we are planning to do a book with tips for aphasics. He has handled this amazingly well.

Sheila
Thank you so much, Thelma, for helping us understand more about the way writing makes a difference to authors and readers. I look forward to publishing an excerpt from your memoir in Writing It Real as well as essays from the anthology you edited over the next several weeks.

Thelma
I’d love to have you do an excerpt. Thanks so much for your interest.